Spielberg and Bay Murder Childhood, Read all about it

Ok, I haven't posted on this in the last 7 months, decided it would be a nice distraction since I'm waiting to start a new job and have a lot of free time.

In this time I've chosen to watch some films coming out, including one which I had decided not to watch previously. Aka Transformers the action film.

I had many issues with it before it's release that I wasn't going to watch it. Key among them are the obvious things like; They snubbed the voice actor of Megatron because he didn't "fit in with the new Megatron" which is of course bullshit, The lame "all spark" story, the revisionist bullshit, the plain as day in your face advertising, the needless romance story I could see in the commercial, the fact that none of the new CGI transformers seemed to bear any resemblance to the original characters when in robot mode, and of course the bullshit blue/red flames on Optimus. Oh and one more tiny thing - Megatrons a gun and always has been. (Anything except G1 is unworthy of my time).

However the boredom the ensued after spending at least 50 hours a week on youtube soon overpowered all of these issues, and although the film was "enjoyable" in a purely watching way I really wished I hadn't seen it.

Although I was pleasantly surprised by the robot mode forms and some of the voice-overs there were just too many issues to deal with.

First of all the lack of recognisable characters, and the lack thereof of character development in the ones that were there. The autobots consist of the most recognisable; featuring Optimus Prime, Bumble Bee, Jazz, Ratchet, and Ironhide. The decepticons consist of; Megatron, Starscream, Barricade, Bonecrusher, Frenzy, Blackout, Scorponok, and Devastator.

Now I'll just point out how pathetic this is. The film (which is about the transformers) has almost no transformers in it, infact the cast of robots vs humans is won by humies almost 5:1. Not only that but the last 4 decepticons have no lines. Yes that's right - half the decepticons have minor roles and no lines at all.

Starscream is barely in the film at all, same for bonecrusher. Barricade has like - one line.

This film is all about the nobility of humans helping the transformers and has a needless romance story between the two "main" charecters (I know you might be confused but yes in the movie the two main charecters are infact - human.) Which takes up so much screen time with their lame attempts at humour and the bad acting and unbelievable chararecter of Sam that there's almost no room for the Autobots to portray any kind of personality.

All of the autobots except Optimus have very few lines. To begin with bumble-bee can only communicate by using lyrics from songs on the radio, which makes understanding what he says for almost the entire film impossible.

That's not to mention the fact that the battles are too "WOW factor" with no actual pause for thought about what's happening or important moments which are completely lost in the blur of action. That and sometimes because of the robotic over-chrome effect makes it sometimes hard to figure out what's going on, as well as them handling somethings horribly, because of this several key moments are totally ruined. For example Bumble bee is critically injured.

However have not one but TWO slow motion and dramatically enhanced 30 second long scenes of the two main chars touching hands, but the death of Jazz happens in about 2 seconds and is completely glazed over and actually quite hard to see since it's zoomed out and small.

We all know that they will turn this into a trilogy and that's why none of the original notable characters are in it :/

Oh yeh and while we're on the subject of revisionist bullshit, apparently Megatron and Optimus are brothers like Abel and Cain in the greek tragedy. Unfortunately this is not greek and the only tragedy is that spielber has murdered another classic.

Go watch the original animated movie it owns the live action one to fking hell.

These two moments in the original own the hell out of the ENTIRE new film:





The only decent thing in the film is that they retained the original voice actor for Prime, but used a new digitiser. It's also negated by the fact they snubbed the actor for Megatron and Starscream has almost no lines.