The Start of Something New.

It's the new year, we've all got suitably drunk on new years eve. The freak winds have managed to derail half my garden and we all have a lot of regrets to start the new year with.

However I have come to the shocking conclusion that my previous mantra of "it's just another night out on the town" is infact fundamentally flawed. It is not infact just another night.

It's a night on the town where the junkie:upstanding gentleman is skewed considerably in favour of junkies. Also transportation costs rocket to the point where walking becomes the only reasonable option, followed shortly by cycling. When cycling becomes your second most appropriate option on a night you are more than likely going to be totally sozzled chances are there's mitigating circumstances.

But oh no, the differences, somewhat wonderfully don't end there! Oh dear lord no. New Years Eve (hereafter it may be reffered to as Ground Zero). It is of course, a night that knows no end! Gone are the days of reasonable licensing laws! Oh no, pubs, clubs and other establishments can now have 24 hour licensing! So that drunk fuckwit who happens to be in your group of friends (there's one in every group it's obligatory but as previusly mentioned ratio's are somewhat skewed on Ground Zero Night so you may find yourself awash in drunken reasoning of why you should go to a 24 hour club) will of course suggest you go there!

Now this sounds not too bad however you will more than likely have to navigate at least one a half main streets of your city. This is no small feat given the junkie:upstanding gentleman ratio. There will be shouting - it wont be nice and you will be pissed off enough to agrravate the local scumbags.

If you do manage to somehow get there in one piece, you will be bombarded with very merry people. Which we all know from previous experience tend to darken your own mood when you have been dragged somewhere against your will. No I don't want a stamp on my face, I'm fairly sure I don't want another drink. I think I will pass on coming into the toilet cubicle with you, and no - I'm sure you're a very nice junkie but I do not wish to have a "totally legit man honest" can from the back of your car.

So in my newfound wisdom I have compiled a list of things that seem to obligatory on a Ground Zero Night. They are as follows;

1 Random person who isn't coming out with you but drinks your drink anyway.
1 Overpriced taxi to the club. This may be seasoned with argueing about the price.
3 Dodge come on's in club of choice.
1 Decent come on.
1 Come on from someone you wanted only for them to leave early for no explainable reason.
1 Drunken couple split up. This may be lightly topped with having to play friend to both sides.
1 Conversation of why the girl of drunken split up shouldn't attempt to walk 20 miles to somewhwere when she has no idea how to get there and no one to go with her.
1 Emotional Goodbye to an ex-lover you've tried to befriend only to come back 20 mins later cos you need to stay at their bit.
5 Drunken kisses from said lover despite lover having lover who is physically superior.
1 45 minute arguement with ex-lovers drunken friend who is lying about where they are, and doing it badly.
1 Attempt at getting someone to not punch themselves in the face and calm them down.
1 Unprovoked attack by junkie standing near car who seems offended by you saying "the club is open" to your friends.
1 Watching ex-lover who has proclaimed love to you getting into someone else.
1 Getting felt up by ex-lovers new toy.
1 Speaking to new toys Mother, Sister and Brother in law assuring them that you will find out what has happened to their son/brother and why you have their bag /phone even though you don't really understand it yourself.

In short fun.

So I now wish I was part of somewhere fun and glossed over like High School Musical :(